Pregnancy Services ›› For Men
She’s pregnant. Now what?
Ok so you and your girlfriend had sex… or you did enough that you think she may be pregnant… so now what do you do? You are not alone. And you don’t need to know everything this minute or make a hasty decision today. Below is some medical and practical information. Hope Clinic simply wants to provide you with information so you can better handle the situation and work together with your partner. This information alone is not expected to help you grapple with all that may be happening or what you are thinking. There are trained men available to walk through this information with you, listen to your story, answer questions you or your partner may have, or just a place to unload.
Your email or phone call is 100% confidential. And there is no cost for you to come see us. You can contact us at (615) 321-0005 or eburns@hopeclinicforwomen.org
The Development of Life
As men, it's easy think that a developing fetus is only a blob of cells, without form, and without life. But at just 5 weeks since conception, a developing fetus already has a beating heart. At week 6, the fetus has eyes, arms, legs, brain, and spinal cord. At week 8, there are ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes. Its brain displays measurable brain waves. And by week 10, the fetus can yawn and suck its thumb.
Is it all up to her?
The father has virtually no rights in regards to abortion. You can’t legally force her to have an abortion or not have an abortion. At the same time, many men leave the decision totally in the hands of their partner, saying something like, “It’s your body and I’ll be supportive no matter what you decide.” But this puts an enormous amount of pressure on the woman. In essence, you are asking her to choose between life and death all on her own. You decided together to have sex and so you need to decide what to do now…together. The best thing you can do for her right now is to help her make healthy, slow, deliberate choices. The two of you are making decisions that will affect both of you (not just her) for the rest of your lives. Be intentional. Seek wise counsel. Be informed.
What are our choices?
Some young couples are simply not able to financially or physically support and raise a child.To admit to this is not to admit weakness, but instead, is an extremely mature realization of the facts. Facts that too many couples avoid recognizing, many times to the harm or detriment of the child. Many couples choose to deliver the baby and place it in a family who cannot have a child of their own. These men & women are heroes! They choose to save that life and in turn improve the life of the child and help a couple create a family. Some think of adoption as ‘selfish’. We think of adoption as a mature, self-less and courageous decision that truly may be in the child's best interest. We partner with eight different adoption agencies if that is the path you and your partner take; each agency specializing in different areas.
Other couples choose to parent the child and begin a family of their own. This may be made up of a traditional family, a blended family, may involve your parents, her parents, or a combination of all these. Consider your resources and consider your support network. Talk with others you trust and get them to help you think of resources you haven’t even considered.
Getting overwhelmed or nervous? Don’t worry. Remember we are here to listen to you. We can help you think through this process, and make rational and intentional decisions, rather than just reacting to your current circumstances.
What is involved in abortion procedures… Really?
Abortion is a surgical procedure that usually involves the insertion of a cutting or suction device into the womb to remove the fetus. Other techniques involve chemically poisoning the fetus or chemically inducing nutrient deprivation so that it is starved of nutrients and dies within a few days. In this case, a surgical procedure is sometimes needed to remove the developing fetus from the womb. In most of the abortions (particularly those done in the first tri-mester), the women are NOT put to sleep and are awake for the procedure.
As with any surgical procedures, there are always medical risks to consider. They include: infection, laceration of the cervix, uterine, bladder or bowel perforations, bleeding, hemorrhage, and subsequent infertility. There are also psychological effects of abortion commonly referred to as Post Abortion Syndrome (PAS). Nightmares, drug and alcohol abuse, sexual dysfunction, depression, and suicide are among the most common symptoms. These effects cannot be simplified into either "pro-choice," or "pro-life." They can affect anyone and usually do no matter what you may feel politically or spiritually.
Men and Abortion - how does this decision affect me?
Men are not immune to the effects of post-abortion syndrome. Many men experience the following symptoms, which often develop months or even years after the abortion*:
- Difficulty bonding with children
- Difficulty sleeping; nightmares
- Avoidance behaviors
- Alcohol/drug abuse or addiction
- Sexual dysfunctions
- Intense feelings of guilt or shame
- Numbness
- Feelings of failure
- Sense of loss
- Eating disorders
- Difficulty making decisions
- Excessive masturbation
- Lack of intimacy with spouse, children, friends, God
- Panic attacks
- Feelings of inadequacy as a man
*Summarized from Last Harvest, 1993
Support
If your partner is pregnant, please call us at (615) 321-0005 and ask to speak with a male counselor. We’re here to help and to give hope.
