5 Habits of Confident People

 

Everyone suffers from insecurities or the occasional lack of confidence.  Especially when trying something outside of your comfort zone, like interviewing for a new job, starting college, or trying a new workout class, it’s easy to feel inferior to the other people around you.

But why does this happen?  We each have our areas of expertise as well as skills we aren't very good at.  Why, then, do we allow our insecurities to get the best of us?

Having confidence does not mean thinking you're better than everyone else.  Confidence stems from our belief in our own abilities – that even though we may not be good at something now, we definitely have strengths to offer (or a chance to build new skills).  Here are just a few habits of confident individuals.

1. They don't put others down.

Cutting down others to build yourself up is like trying to build a skyscraper with a shaky or insufficient foundation.  It simply doesn’t work!  Instead, just worry about yourself.

2. They believe in their abilities.

Everyone has weaknesses, but each person has unique strengths as well.  When approaching anything in life, confident people acknowledge their weaknesses but play up their strengths.

3. They look at new situations as a challenge.

Whether it’s your first day of a new job or your first day of college, confident people tackle new experiences with the utmost positivity.  These opportunities thrown in front of you are ways in which you can learn about yourself and grow.  Do not be afraid!

4. They don't care about what other people think.

Quite the challenge, I know.  I grew up as a ballet dancer, and this proved to be my greatest downfall when auditioning for ballet schools and companies.  Of course you should try to present yourself in the best way possible, but after that, who cares what people are thinking about you? People are drawn to confidence and shy away from nervousness.  So as long as you know that you’re working to the best of your ability, don’t worry about what others are thinking.

5. They have inquisitive minds.

Having confidence also means having the ability to take criticism and use it to your advantage.  You must be open to new suggestions to be able to improve yourself.  Confident individuals know that constructive criticism can only serve to help them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mentor Spotlight - Ellen Kelly

January is National Mentoring Month and we are so thankful for ALL of our faithful mentor volunteers who are the hands and feet of Jesus to our clients every day. We are so happy to spotlight one mentor in particular, Ellen, who has just been volunteering for about 6 months, but as you'll see has become one of our most faithful volunteers and has poured her life into the lives of our clients! Read below for her motivating and encouraging words to anyone looking to volunteer as a mentor.

How long have you been a mentor to our clients?

I began volunteering in the clothing room for Hope in June of 2015, and was assigned my first mentoring client shortly thereafter.  Thus, I am a new mentor at Hope. 

What keeps you coming back to Hope Clinic?

Prior to moving to Nashville, I was blessed to have the opportunity to mentor women, men, and families at a pregnancy care center in Indiana.  It was a true experience of "giving" - even more so of others giving to me - staff, fellow volunteers, and especially clients, than of me giving to them. When any of us reach out from a place of vulnerability and find a listening ear and joyful heart, hope and the ability to see all things in a new light follow. Hope Clinic is thus, aptly named, and truly a place of caring, joy, and hope!  Having the opportunity to be a part of a ministry that recognizes, values, and supports the dignity and worth of every beloved child of God, unconditionally, and helps each to see a future full of hope, has been an abundant blessing.  That is what keeps me coming back to Hope Clinic! 

What would you say to someone who is considering being a mentor to our clients?

Be not afraid!  Often, we associate the word "mentor" with prerequisite experiences or skills qualifying one to participate.  For someone to mentor at Hope Clinic, what is needed is an open heart, a listening ear, and a genuine love for each person God puts in your path.  Mentoring at Hope  entails walking alongside those who are in life circumstances that, for a time, are hard to put in perspective. Haven't we all been there, for one reason or another?  As a mentor, you have the privilege of listening, reflecting back, giving information, suggesting resources, and walking alongside your clients as they discern their own way forward.  You are not alone!  The staff and other volunteers at Hope are always there to pray, listen, offer suggestions, and support you in your mentoring.  As a friend often tells me, "We are not qualified; we are called."  If you think God might be calling you to mentor at Hope Clinic, come and check it out!  The Hope Clinic staff will answer your questions, guide your training, and be there for you every step of the way, as will Our Lord.

What have you learned about yourself through mentoring?

Perhaps it is said quite often; however, I think it is definitely true that "We are all in this together" - and how much lighter the load and wonderful the journey, when we take it up and carry it side-by-side!  Mentoring has helped me to see the beloved child of God in every person -- including myself, and to trust Him to do His work in all of us -- the clients, staff, and volunteers at Hope, and all those whose lives we touch and share.  

Ellen and her daughter

Ellen and her daughter

Why Hope Clinic is for MEN, too

I truly believe everything starts with the family. If we could all grow up in healthy, functional, happy families, a lot of the world’s problems would be solved. That family can take a lot of different shapes – but unfortunately, it’s pretty rare in today’s society.

A few years ago at Hope Clinic, we started really working with our male clients. Our guys were coming in and just like the ladies, they had a lot of issues like learning to be a parent and struggling to be a responsible and supportive partner. A lot of them were raised in families without fathers, so they never had a role model to teach them what it looks like to be a man. We decided it wasn’t fair to help the women coming in – to build them up and give them all this support to help bring these beautiful babies into the world – and then send them back to a partner, who could never help them build a real home. 

So, I got to work with these guys! We quickly realized what I think we already knew; they had a lot of other issues they were bringing into the relationships. But primarily, they struggled with the same things – job related stress and depression, commitment issues, addiction to pornography, and valuing women for who they are and not what they can give.

For example, I recently worked with a wonderful couple who, on the outside, looked like they had it all. Both were successful, beautiful, charming people, and pillars in the Nashville community. But once their front door closed, they were wrecked. He had a pornography addiction which led to multiple affairs, and she had a lot of self-worth issues. The thing is, they also had three young children, and they wanted to make it work. So, aiming to fix the four pillars of any relationship, we got to work on their PIES (physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual connection). For months, we discussed trust and communication. We looked at the areas where they had both fallen short in their marriage.

Individually, I worked with him on his addiction to pornography, which is more addictive than any drug, including cocaine and heroin. We had to essentially reshape his expectations and reality on what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. Then, we set up boundaries and gave his wife the control she needed to rebuild faith in their relationship. It took a lot of work and a lot of time, but the good news is they both say their marriage is stronger now than it ever has been. We fixed the fundamental flaws, and now they can focus on rebuilding their marriage and being healthy role models for their kids. 

I’ll tell you what I tell my clients: everything is a choice. You have to wake up every day and decide to be a good person and a good spouse – to love your partner the way they need and want to be loved. It isn’t easy, but at very least, even if you end up separating, you can say you fought the good fight. You really tried. And in the process, you helped make each other better. 

Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about families breaking up. I want people to be happy. It’s what God wants for us – for us to be happy. The best way I know to do that is to have long-lasting relationships with the people you love. Your spouse needs to be as exciting to you the day you die as they were the day you got married. The thing is, that can happen. In fact, I see it happen with our clients every day. That’s what keeps me going – it’s what gives me hope.

Terry Cheatham, Therapist