5 Habits of Confident People


Everyone suffers from insecurities or the occasional lack of confidence.  Especially when trying something outside of your comfort zone, like interviewing for a new job, starting college, or trying a new workout class, it’s easy to feel inferior to the other people around you.

But why does this happen?  We each have our areas of expertise as well as skills we aren't very good at.  Why, then, do we allow our insecurities to get the best of us?

Having confidence does not mean thinking you're better than everyone else.  Confidence stems from our belief in our own abilities – that even though we may not be good at something now, we definitely have strengths to offer (or a chance to build new skills).  Here are just a few habits of confident individuals.

1. They don't put others down.

Cutting down others to build yourself up is like trying to build a skyscraper with a shaky or insufficient foundation.  It simply doesn’t work!  Instead, just worry about yourself.

2. They believe in their abilities.

Everyone has weaknesses, but each person has unique strengths as well.  When approaching anything in life, confident people acknowledge their weaknesses but play up their strengths.

3. They look at new situations as a challenge.

Whether it’s your first day of a new job or your first day of college, confident people tackle new experiences with the utmost positivity.  These opportunities thrown in front of you are ways in which you can learn about yourself and grow.  Do not be afraid!

4. They don't care about what other people think.

Quite the challenge, I know.  I grew up as a ballet dancer, and this proved to be my greatest downfall when auditioning for ballet schools and companies.  Of course you should try to present yourself in the best way possible, but after that, who cares what people are thinking about you? People are drawn to confidence and shy away from nervousness.  So as long as you know that you’re working to the best of your ability, don’t worry about what others are thinking.

5. They have inquisitive minds.

Having confidence also means having the ability to take criticism and use it to your advantage.  You must be open to new suggestions to be able to improve yourself.  Confident individuals know that constructive criticism can only serve to help them.






















Mentor Spotlight - Ellen Kelly

January is National Mentoring Month and we are so thankful for ALL of our faithful mentor volunteers who are the hands and feet of Jesus to our clients every day. We are so happy to spotlight one mentor in particular, Ellen, who has just been volunteering for about 6 months, but as you'll see has become one of our most faithful volunteers and has poured her life into the lives of our clients! Read below for her motivating and encouraging words to anyone looking to volunteer as a mentor.

How long have you been a mentor to our clients?

I began volunteering in the clothing room for Hope in June of 2015, and was assigned my first mentoring client shortly thereafter.  Thus, I am a new mentor at Hope. 

What keeps you coming back to Hope Clinic?

Prior to moving to Nashville, I was blessed to have the opportunity to mentor women, men, and families at a pregnancy care center in Indiana.  It was a true experience of "giving" - even more so of others giving to me - staff, fellow volunteers, and especially clients, than of me giving to them. When any of us reach out from a place of vulnerability and find a listening ear and joyful heart, hope and the ability to see all things in a new light follow. Hope Clinic is thus, aptly named, and truly a place of caring, joy, and hope!  Having the opportunity to be a part of a ministry that recognizes, values, and supports the dignity and worth of every beloved child of God, unconditionally, and helps each to see a future full of hope, has been an abundant blessing.  That is what keeps me coming back to Hope Clinic! 

What would you say to someone who is considering being a mentor to our clients?

Be not afraid!  Often, we associate the word "mentor" with prerequisite experiences or skills qualifying one to participate.  For someone to mentor at Hope Clinic, what is needed is an open heart, a listening ear, and a genuine love for each person God puts in your path.  Mentoring at Hope  entails walking alongside those who are in life circumstances that, for a time, are hard to put in perspective. Haven't we all been there, for one reason or another?  As a mentor, you have the privilege of listening, reflecting back, giving information, suggesting resources, and walking alongside your clients as they discern their own way forward.  You are not alone!  The staff and other volunteers at Hope are always there to pray, listen, offer suggestions, and support you in your mentoring.  As a friend often tells me, "We are not qualified; we are called."  If you think God might be calling you to mentor at Hope Clinic, come and check it out!  The Hope Clinic staff will answer your questions, guide your training, and be there for you every step of the way, as will Our Lord.

What have you learned about yourself through mentoring?

Perhaps it is said quite often; however, I think it is definitely true that "We are all in this together" - and how much lighter the load and wonderful the journey, when we take it up and carry it side-by-side!  Mentoring has helped me to see the beloved child of God in every person -- including myself, and to trust Him to do His work in all of us -- the clients, staff, and volunteers at Hope, and all those whose lives we touch and share.  

Ellen and her daughter

Ellen and her daughter

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Why Hope Clinic is for MEN, too

I truly believe everything starts with the family. If we could all grow up in healthy, functional, happy families, a lot of the world’s problems would be solved. That family can take a lot of different shapes – but unfortunately, it’s pretty rare in today’s society.

A few years ago at Hope Clinic, we started really working with our male clients. Our guys were coming in and just like the ladies, they had a lot of issues like learning to be a parent and struggling to be a responsible and supportive partner. A lot of them were raised in families without fathers, so they never had a role model to teach them what it looks like to be a man. We decided it wasn’t fair to help the women coming in – to build them up and give them all this support to help bring these beautiful babies into the world – and then send them back to a partner, who could never help them build a real home. 

So, I got to work with these guys! We quickly realized what I think we already knew; they had a lot of other issues they were bringing into the relationships. But primarily, they struggled with the same things – job related stress and depression, commitment issues, addiction to pornography, and valuing women for who they are and not what they can give.

For example, I recently worked with a wonderful couple who, on the outside, looked like they had it all. Both were successful, beautiful, charming people, and pillars in the Nashville community. But once their front door closed, they were wrecked. He had a pornography addiction which led to multiple affairs, and she had a lot of self-worth issues. The thing is, they also had three young children, and they wanted to make it work. So, aiming to fix the four pillars of any relationship, we got to work on their PIES (physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual connection). For months, we discussed trust and communication. We looked at the areas where they had both fallen short in their marriage.

Individually, I worked with him on his addiction to pornography, which is more addictive than any drug, including cocaine and heroin. We had to essentially reshape his expectations and reality on what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. Then, we set up boundaries and gave his wife the control she needed to rebuild faith in their relationship. It took a lot of work and a lot of time, but the good news is they both say their marriage is stronger now than it ever has been. We fixed the fundamental flaws, and now they can focus on rebuilding their marriage and being healthy role models for their kids. 

I’ll tell you what I tell my clients: everything is a choice. You have to wake up every day and decide to be a good person and a good spouse – to love your partner the way they need and want to be loved. It isn’t easy, but at very least, even if you end up separating, you can say you fought the good fight. You really tried. And in the process, you helped make each other better. 

Frankly, I’m tired of hearing about families breaking up. I want people to be happy. It’s what God wants for us – for us to be happy. The best way I know to do that is to have long-lasting relationships with the people you love. Your spouse needs to be as exciting to you the day you die as they were the day you got married. The thing is, that can happen. In fact, I see it happen with our clients every day. That’s what keeps me going – it’s what gives me hope.

Terry Cheatham, Therapist

What I learned from my mom...

what i learned from my mom

We all have "mom sayings" that pop into our head at certain times like, "Eat your vegetables" and "Did you remember to wash behind your ears?" and "If everyone jumped off a cliff, would you too?" Sometimes we would heed her advice, and other times we would pretend we didn't hear her. But there are few lessons that actually stuck with us through the years and were even taught to our own children.

We asked our staff at Hope Clinic to think of the most important thing they learned from their mom and here's what they said:

"Show respect to your elders regardless if they are right or wrong, and anything can be paid off with food!"
Renée Rizzo

"Let go and trust God!" I called her wondering how I was to protect my son from his own crazy antics.  My mother laughed saying I taught her very early on that God was going to have to watch over and protect us.  It was humanly impossible for her to even try to keep my siblings and I safe (we were an adventures group of kids).   I learned to let go and give my son the opportunity to stretch his wing (after explaining he can’t really fly).
Desirée O'Neill

"Always be kind to others, especially those that feel left out."
Cindi Barrett

"How to garden (Connect with nature), How to clean a house spotlessly (Have high standards), and The homemade version of most things is always better (You have the talent and power to do many things yourself)."
Emmely Duncan

"How to serve sacrificially and always be there for people in need."
Stasi Egli

"Mind over matter." She always told me that I could do anything I put my mind to and not to let circumstances or the task/matter at hand overwhelm me.
Mallori Cain

"Selflessness, long suffering, unrelenting faith, confidence in the Lord and self confidence."
Karen Hyden

"Showing kindness and compassion to others."  She has always lived this out in her daily life—acting and speaking in kindness to friends, family, strangers no matter the situation. 
Brandiann Rellinger

"Be patient with women. Some women more than others need time to process. Guys need to be patient, let it breathe, and never leave a fight even it’s really uncomfortable."
Josh Blackburn

"Unconditional love, how to receive it and how to give it."
Marie Gilland

"People Matter Most." I’m not sure if this is something my mother ever said aloud, but it’s something she’s taught me every day simply by the way she lives her life. I’ve spent most of my life watching her serve other people – our family, her friends, the church, and random people she meets on the street (or in elevators or the grocery store or anywhere else!). She is committed to being fully present in the little things – interrupting what she’s doing for a phone call from a friend, making a homemade dinner every night, or sending cards to celebrate everyone’s everything.  She’s equally committed to big things. One of my favorite mom-isms is “You have to show up for the big things” meaning weddings, funerals, celebrations or really anything that matters to the person in question. I’ve seen her cook thousands of meals for people who are hurting and rearrange her schedule a million times just so she can be there in the audience cheering someone on. She brightens everyone’s day and so intentionally makes the people she meets feel valued. To her, everyone matters, and everyone is important. By watching her I’ve learned the most important question you can ask yourself at the end of your day is, “did I love people well today?” because really, in the end, that’s the only thing that matters. 
Angie Stapleton

"If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Terry Cheatham

"Be responsible with your money and take care of your belongings."
Jared Larry

"Always be grateful and thankful. Show gratitude. Say please and thank you. Always write thank-you cards!"
Sara Chang

Safer Campuses. Brighter Futures. Prevent Sexual Violence.

prevent sexual violence

Anyone who has spent time on a college campus recently knows they are much different now than even 10 years ago. Social media has changed everything. Students put their entire lives online. At Belmont, I have the privilege of working with our college athletes. Like all students, they face enormous social pressure to showcase “risky behaviors” through social media. However, if they choose to participate and post such things – especially given their athlete status – they are making decisions with ramifications that could impact the rest of their lives.

Two things recently led us to take up the issue of sexual violence with our student athletes. The first was the highly-publicized recent events at another local university. The second was recent changes in Title IX. We are now required to report any suspicion of harassment or abuse. While this is wonderful in theory, administrators have had many discussions on whether this allows students to feel safe or shuts people down, knowing anything they insinuate must be reported and they may face social backlash.

Around the same time this was implemented, Hope Clinic’s therapist, Terry Cheatham, spoke at my church, and I was introduced to the clinic and their prevention program. Soon after, we welcomed Terry and the clinic’s CEO Renée Rizzo to speak to our athletes. We could not have asked for two more perfect people to lead these trainings. Terry is extremely passionate and educated, and Renée instantly connected with the females given her history as a student athlete.

belmont student athletes

They divided the students into two groups. With the females, it was important for us to help give them a voice, teach them to protect themselves, and emphasize that if they are a victim, it is not their fault and they should not be ashamed. The females said they were shocked by the statistics Renée shared. It was especially powerful when she split them into groups. One in four women will be assaulted on a college campus, and it hit home that it could be any one of the people in their group – a friend or even themselves.
For the males, they took a different approach by dealing with the over-sexualization of young men and women, learning to be positive bystanders, making healthy choices with alcohol and pornography, and addressing rape culture. We’ve hosted similar seminars with other organizations, but the males said Terry was able to keep their attention and they felt comfortable talking about these sensitive subjects. 

Afterwards, Renée and Terry gave feedback and suggestions for practical improvements directly from the students – places on campus in need of additional lighting, information on the location of campus security cameras, protecting students in parking lots, and more. We’re grateful students had a venue to ask for things they need to feel safe on campus – which is, of course, a top priority for the university.

Since our session, we know students have sought counseling individually. While we offer counseling on campus, not everyone feels comfortable walking through those doors, so we’re glad this provided an alternative for someone to get the help they need in a place where they feel safe and anonymous.

prevent sexual assault

In this day and age, our students constantly face ethical and moral decisions. Unfortunately, risky behaviors have simply become the social norm. We’re grateful to partner with an organization that gives our students the tools and confidence to make healthy, responsible choices in a culture that continually asks them to do the opposite.

- Heather Copeland, Assistant Athletic Director for Compliance, Belmont University 

The Waiting Season of Easter

I have a lot of family memories and traditions edged in my brain surrounding Easter. It started with Lent and some ashes. It included making a lot of Easter bread, meat pies and ‘Pastiera di Grano’ (a breakfast version of Italian cheesecake with wheat grain). It also included wearing a spring dress and hat complete with white lace socks and black patent leather shoes as we visited our Godparents and other Italian relatives.

Over the years, I have a better understanding of this ‘pre-Easter’ season than I did as a youth. In my head Lent was about ‘giving up stuff’ – like chocolate or popcorn or whatever my vice at the time was. If I was honest, my motivation was purely to lose 10 pounds before the Easter feast. Today I see this time as much more about digging even deeper in my faith by reading one of the gospels and reconnecting with who Jesus was and is and what His sacrifice meant and means today. You don’t need to get ashes to do this, but some people like a visual marker to begin this season.

Of course the finale of the Easter Season isn’t just Easter Day. It begins with Palm Sunday (yes I still remember dad soaking those palm leaves to make special crosses) and includes Holy Thursday (complete with the Last Supper and the washing of the feet), finally reaching the solemnness of Good Friday before the celebration of the Resurrection Sunday (or Easter). I was always sad for people who only showed up on Easter. I wondered…did they really understand the cost of the Cross? And if not, how does Easter seem so exciting?

I think for many people the cost of the Cross became abundantly clear with the viewing of The Passion of Christ. After watching that there is no denying the emotional and physical cost that Jesus went through that day. The cleaned up version of Jesus at the Sermon on the Mount or the one in a white robe on Easter is much easier to think of. But sitting in the tension of Good Friday and Easter Sunday is the dreaded Saturday…the waiting season.

And 2,000 years later, Saturday is still the hardest day for me. I know more every day the cost of my sin and am grateful more and more for the price Jesus paid on my behalf for my salvation, so each new Good Friday draws me closer to Him. I like celebrating the victory on Easter Sunday and I look forward to celebrating that for eternity on the other side of Heaven. But Saturday is a rough day. It represents the seasons and times where God seems silent…where Hope seems gone, where the Enemy seems to be winning, and when doubt creeps in. Especially if it’s something I have been waiting for God’s redemption or answer on for weeks or months or even years. It is in those moments I hang on more quietly but more fiercely to God. So in this Easter season if Saturday is seeming like a long day (week, month or year), be encouraged that I am praying for you. And Sunday WILL come. He has not forgotten us. He is Risen! 

Renée Rizzo, CEO/President

Women's History Month and the Warrior Women we Serve

women's history month and the warrior women we serve

As a woman in leadership, you would think I would have a lot to say about this topic...and I do. Yet, as I write this, I worry too about the direction in which these messages can go. I DO love that there are strong women in history who have paved the way so I can actually be a CEO and have this space to write. But as a woman in leadership, I can also say this topic makes me somewhat uncomfortable. I don’t want to be labeled as a strong female leader. I really just want to be seen as a strong leader. Or better yet, a strong person.  As much as I like to be in control, I also like to relinquish control. I like to look pretty some days and I also like my sweats. I like to be on the front page and other days I like to hide at home. I want my life to have purpose and meaning, but I accept the fact that I may never be as well-known as Taylor Swift. Does she deserve the crown? Sure. But guess who else does? No, not me J. I think of the women we serve at Hope Clinic; those coming in with an unplanned pregnancy and those trying to live with the consequences of a pregnancy loss. They are all amazing warriors to me, and some of them may never make the front page or any 'Women of History' list.

The first women that I think of as playing a strong role in history are those who walked beside and helped finance Jesus during his time in ministry. Those who bravely stood at the Cross while He was crucified. Those who first saw His resurrected body. I love that Jesus knew 2,000 years later the strong role women would play in history. And even further back I think of Esther, Ruth, and Rahab…pretty strong and remarkable women who played an important role in history. Sometimes they acted bravely. Sometimes their very presence was an act of bravery.

Fast forward to the last 100 years and the list includes many great women who changed history. I am sure our lists may be different depending on your religious or political views (which I won’t even touch here J). I do think, no matter who is on your list, that as women have made more and more of a mark on society, it has brought about both good things and new roadblocks to face. In our attempt to be stronger, we sometimes come off as not needing any help. I have seen men lose their chivalry and start to question their role as we grow. I think we are still just trying to figure it out.

This brings me to the women we served 30 years ago and those we serve today. What is the same? These women are facing life-altering decisions that impact their life first and foremost…more so than their partners.  The brunt of the decisions and the workload falls on her shoulders. What has changed? On one hand, the world wants to push the man further and further away from her body, her choice, and her decisions. Yet from where I sit, I am not sure that has always been to her benefit. We know full well the cost of young people growing up without a father figure in the home. We know over 90% of those incarcerated have no father. We also know of many women who are actually our clients BECAUSE of a poor father figure in her life. So while we continue to equip and empower these warrior women who walk in our doors, we are also trying to engage their partners in the process. We want them to stand beside her, support her, share in the responsibility and the decision making, and yes, be a part of the parenting process. This is good for her and it is good for the child.  We have male therapists talking to the partner so he better knows how to support her. We also have these male therapists talking to the woman so she knows how to better ask for what she needs and deserves. This is a radical change from the original pregnancy center model and one that many others still hold today. But it is one I think is vital for the real long-term success of the women we serve.

So I think being a strong woman doesn’t have to exclude having strong men in her life; just like there is nothing wrong with a strong woman choosing to stand beside her strong husband and taking the number two spot. I think great women in history have never followed  one prototype. She can be strong AND meek; empowering AND submissive; outspoken AND quiet; making a mark on the whole world AND just in her own home. I thank God for the many women before me who made it possible for me to have a voice, and I look forward to the women of tomorrow who may have opportunities because of some tiny contribution I have possibly made. 

RenéRizzo, CEO/President

here's to strong women

10 Healthy Ways to Keep Your Marriage/Relationship Moving Forward

With Valentine’s Day fast approaching I am always asked by couples, “How do you keep your marriage/relationship moving in the right direction?”  These are some simple truths I have found that work very well.  I even have to look at these often just to keep my relationship positive.

  1. Successful relationships take work.  They don’t happen in a vacuum.  They occur when the couples in them take the risk of sharing what it is that’s going on in their hearts and heads.
  2. You can only change yourself, not your partner.  If you love someone and think that after a while he/she will alter his/her behaviors you find uncomfortable, think again.  If you want changes, put them out there for your partner to see so your partner knows what you need.
  3. All arguments stem from our own fear or pain.  When upset occurs, check out what’s going on inside of you rather than get angry with your partner.  The truth is that we usually aren’t upset for the reasons we think.
  4. Understand that men and women are very different.  We’re not from Mars or Venus; we’re not even in the same solar system.  Understanding and celebrating our differences will make living together more peaceful, interesting, and fun.
  5. Honor each other in some way every day.  Every morning you have the opportunity to make your relationship sweeter and deeper by recommitting to your mate.  Feeling respected and cherished by the one you love makes life much nicer.
  6. Anger is a waste of time.  It’s a relationship killer, because it makes you self-absorbed and won’t allow you to see the good. Give yourself some time to calm down and then gently discuss what’s going on with you.
  7. Get regular tune-ups.  Go to a couple’s workshop, talk with a therapist, or read a relationship book together at least once a year.  You will pick up ideas, and the process alone will strengthen your connection.
  8. Find a way to become and stay best friends.  For some this sounds unromantic, but for those who live it, most say it’s the best part of their time together.
  9. Be responsible for your own happiness.  No other person can make you happy; it’s something you have to do on your own.  Look within to find out what piece may be missing for you.
  10. Give what you want to get.  Our needs change with time.  If you’d like to feel understood, try being more understanding.  If you want to feel more love, try giving more.  It’s a simple program that really works.  

Most of all, enjoy being with one another.  Love is a gift from God!!

Terry Cheatham is the Male and Parent Counselor at Hope Clinic. He also facilitates marriage workshops for Marriage Helper as well as counsels couples who attend.